/bypass

First of all I would like to thank those who have responded in comments both on this site and on facebook! Thank you: Matt, Robin, Karen, Anna, Ginny, Mandy, Tobey, Tyler, Auntie Sara, and Zander for all your wonderful feedback and loving support! I especially took the advice to heart (especially to my insanely beating heart right now) as I further my journey to runningdom. Yes, it’s a word now. Look it up in my new dictionary. Anyways, you guys are amazing!!

Second, my new shoes are KICK ASS. These are them!

http://www.newbalance.com/performance/running/products/MR1064/

They are absolutely the most insane cushioning I think I have ever felt. My feet have always either fallen asleep while walking/running or my ankle starts cracking half way through - but with these, I feel as if I could go on for hours, prevented by my heart pounding out of my chest and my thighs feeling like soggy ramen.

Third. I have a new problem that I have never mentioned here, but an old problem that I have had since I was a child. I haven’t found much research available on what happens, but I will try to explain and maybe, just maybe, someone out there will know what the hee-haw hell I am talking about. It seems like every time I break into a dripping sweat, not a light sweat, that my ears start to ACHE like a rucker fudder. Rucker fudder sounds like something that would ache. Anyway, it HURTS so bad! Mind you, this is NOT because I am outside and there is NO air coming into my ear from the outside because I almost always have my Shure Earphones in which prevent pretty much ANYTHING from getting in my ears other than the sweet sweet sound of Boards of Canada.  So yeah, it’s only when I sweat and this happened today on the elliptical machine and boy - oh boy - did I want to, like, rip the right side of my face clean off!

Fourth, I have lost 3 pounds since the running. I am not even going to say something like “not the greatest” or “too bad it’s so low” because UHM HELLO, I’m freaking awesome! So this brings my grand total to 117 pounds lost since December 4th, 2009 — and I am officially 205 pounds, FIVE pounds away from my next mini goal of 200, where you shall all receive another one of those great side by side pictures of me in my practically naked clothes.

Fifth, I gots me a wedding dress to die for. Tee hee! Obviously I cannot post a picture of it because Donnyhonny will see it and it will RUIN THE ENTIRE WEDDING. haha, no, actually I don’t believe it that, but I do believe in painfully making him wait despite his squirmings.

i think that is all for now.

Oh wait~ I forgot. I have to track here what I am actually up to on the running. Well today the treadmills were taken so I couldn’t treadthemill but I did do half an hour of pretty intense elliptical training and then 30 minutes of yoga afterwards to try to calm the freak down, which didn’t work because yoga and janie = mad imbalance. So yeah before that I was doing 45 minutes on the treadmill in increments of 4 minute walking, 2 minute running, on and on and on. So yeah, a teenie-weenie improvement from the starting point, but I hope to gradually increase everything!

So lets be honest here folks, because that’s what I  am mainly all about, and this blog can prove that many times over. Right now, I am wheezing, red, sweaty and pretty much on death’s porch swing having a complete physical breakdown, on the verge of throwing in the dripping towel — and only after 20 minutes of running, or what I am calling ‘running’ even though in reality it was more like sauntering.

I have not exercised since my last yoga class of november 2009. I decided to get really lazy and basically put myself on bedrest for no valid reason, while i porked, in small portions of course. Actually truth be told, I haven’t slipped as far as food goes, not really. I still cannot handle sugars, except the little I put in my coffee. BUT, the responsibility of MOVING AROUND has been slapped under the comfy chairs I have been parking my saggy skinned bum in. This, among other things, is what I have decided to change up.

I think it’s quite obvious that I have some sort of seasonal depression and I become quite subdued after Christmas, allowing my brain to shut off, my goals to disappear and my priorities to become lost under the bleakness felt from the lack of vitamin D. Usually, around this time, where I have moped and cried for too long, I make turn around decisions.

So the other day I received $1000 for academic achievement and I decided to spend $200 to get a brand, and spanking new pair of running shoes that are specially designed for my cushioning needs. My goal is to RUN, without pain, without dying afterwards, without chest pains etc etc — run for a long period of time.

There are a few obstacles however and pardon if I get graphic here:

1. Floppity Flop boobs

2. The infamous ankle break of 2008 seems to have screwed up my stride, as I have “nursed” the wound by turning my ankle slightly inward. The dude who did my shoes told me about this and warned me that straightening OUT my ankle might be painful at first and that I’d have to get used to that.  So yeah, after a little while, it starts to feel crappy and it makes me nervous.

3. Girl who worked out beside me today. Who in their right mind wears tapered black jeans, hiking boots, their extremely long hair down over their logger’s plaid long sleeved shirt while they are gazelling on an elliptical at 100 kilometers an hour, not breaking a sweat over their freakishly beautiful face. I kept having to, like, speed the treadmill up thinking that she, in her infinite lumberjack princess ways, was judging me and my bright orange shoes, with leggings and over-sized blue shirt that does nothing to hide the floppity flops mentioned in point number 1.

4. My LAN party hip keeps clicking and it sucks! This also makes me nervous.

I have to start somewhere though right?

I haven’t lost any weight since the last time that I posted. I think I might have gained 2 pounds. IT IS POSSIBLE if you let yourself go. I mean, yeah I am not eating anything, right? BUT your body gets complacent and all like, yo, i’m gunna screw with you, chickie, so there! Last time I weighed was yesterday and I was 208. So it’s time to get back in the game.

My goals are to learn how to run, so if anyone has any running advice, please don’t hesitate. I basically just wanna know everything there is to know.

I mean, should I just be walking right now? Should I even try to run without walking first?

Today marks one year since I changed my battle with weight forever. It almost doesn’t seem real. That’s all I can really say. Right now, one year later, I can’t really believe that I made that decision in the first place, that at one point in my life I was so desperate and sad about being fat. I mean, I remember those feelings…but only vaguely. It’s been so long it seems since I experienced a complete sense of hopelessness in regards to my body.

I am sitting here drinking some tea by the light of a sheer white cotton fragranced candle. First of all, how the hell do they know what the colour WHITE smells like? Honestly, people! Secondly, about the weight loss, it’s started to pick up again for completely unknown reasons. I thought I would be staying at 212-15 forever. I thought maybe that my body was done, but apparently it’s not because this week I am down to 207, which is an all time low for me. When I first did my hotdog diet in 2002-2003 I went from 288 down to 210 in a matter of maybe 5 months or something like that…and gained it all back and then some over the years because I ate one piece of bread (slight hyperbole). So to actually reach 207 is an amazing feat for me because I can honestly say I have not been this weight since elementary school.

When I went to the information session with Dr.Hendricks in Michigan he told us that GBS patients will lose 60-80% of their EXCESS body weight. He pegged the weight that I should be at 175. That means that in order to lose 100% of my excess body weight I would need to lose 147. I have lost 115 out of that 147 which equals roughly 78%. So my next goal will be to lose another 5 pounds to put me OVER the average of excess body weight lost, and from there I wish to make the under 200 pounds goal.

It’s a weird day filled with quiet reflection and a little bit of loneliness. I have been cooped up all day working and the only guy I really talked to was the UPS guy and I almost said “today is my birthday” so that he would say happy birthday — even though it’s not my real birthday, and it’s a different birthday of sorts.

No pictures until I hit 120 pounds folks! It’s always by the 20s! PLUS i don’t think there is any difference anyway!

Thank you to all my friends who have been cheering me on from day 1, and even day -120 from when I was contemplating this whole adventure. Your support has meant the world to me and I can’t tell you enough how much I love you and hope that this blog has been a good read.  <3

Because I cannot update you with progress pictures, here is a picture of me at Halloween:

I apologize for my absence on this blog. I have such a “normal” life as far as the gastric bypass goes. I mean, I lose weight, but as far as eating goes, I don’t feel like it’s such a big deal. I eat small meals and frequently. I recently went to BC for a visit and felt very comfortable with my eating habits. Sugar is still a no-no for me, of course, but going out with my friends and being invited over for dinner, I didn’t feel as if I was the odd one out. I ate as much as I wanted, and not the rest. It was very simple and relaxed. I can’t believe how wonderful it has been to had this surgery with little to no complications (knock on wood).

I will get to the 100 pound thing in a sec, but first I want to say that I am no longer allergic to alcohol. This is very strange for me, because since I can remember I have not been able to comfortably drink alcohol without having to stick my head under a cold faucet to quench my burning face. Red wine still makes me sick, but only in a gastric bypass too much sugar kind of way. I have issue with the alcohol thing, however, as I am not used to being able to drink it. I have no knowledge of limitations or what I can handle before being smashed. I have no experience with it which has led to at least one horribly embarrassing incident thus far. I have decided that for me, it’s not safe or worth the humiliation that ensues afterward. I just thought I would share this because I haven’t a clue why the weight loss would prompt my body to accept alcohol without reaction. Drinking prior to the surgery was absolutely horrifying and could many times bring me to tears as my face felt like it was being branded, (with the exception of pina coladas for some unknown reason). Where I am grateful that I can drink alcohol, I don’t think I will make it any sort of habit for the sake’s of all those who are with me.

Okay, now for the 100 pounds talk. This will be a long post, I apologize in advance. A few weeks ago I did hit that sweet number. I can’t remember the exact date, but one morning I woke up and there it was: 222.0 on the blinky blink. Since then I have lost an additional 2 pounds, bringing my total to 102 and my weight at 220. When I hit 210 I will be lighter than my highschool weight in grade 8 (I was 12).

I was thinking of ways that I could celebrate this occasion. At first I thought that I would take 10 balloons and place notes of things that I can do now that I couldn’t do when I was 100 pounds heavier and release the balloons over the city of burlington where I live. As this proved to cost too much money, I decided that I would throw each note in a fire. Luckily that weekend a family friend decided to have our family over for dinner and they had a fire in the back yard. I read each note aloud and threw them into the fire.
Here is the list of things that I have “given up”

• Not being able to sit in multiple positions, including: crossing my legs, sitting cross-legged comfortably and sitting with my knees under my chin. This includes as well, not being able to go cross-legged in the bath, or even on the toilet!
• Not finding myself attractive or beautiful, or being able to believe people when they say that I am.
  Sweating more than any mammal in the universe (notice I say universe, because aliens are most likely able to perspire).
• Not being able to pick out what I wanted to wear, but only what fit my enormous body, and sticking to mainly black to “hide”. Also, not being able to wear pretty dresses or anything that calls attention to myself.
• Being called fat, or getting terrible looks while I am eating as people assume that I am an unhealthy eater, and don’t take care of myself.
• Breaking chairs at my mom’s house during thanksgiving dinner!
• Hurting when I walk, or climb stairs. Losing my breath after 2 seconds of strenuous activity.
• Fearing/dreading being an ugly bride or not being able to properly take care of my future children, or not having safe pregnancies due to obesity.
• Immediately going into the handicapped washroom stalls to better fit my ample bottom.
• Being the fat friend, fat lover, fat sister, fat daughter, fat cousin, fat loner, “her face is beautiful it’s too bad she’s so fat” girl. I may be still chubby, but I give up the persona of being fat. It no longer is my culture, my identity, or the brunt of all my jokes. (although I will probably always joke about how I used to be fat)

So I crumbled up each of my 10 pieces of paper, signifying 10 pounds that I have lost and after I did that I felt such a overwhelming sense of accomplishment. With my family and friends surrounding me, and cheering me on, it was a very beautiful experience. My brother caught it on video but I don’t think you want to see me missing the firepit at least 5 times out of 10 from 3 feet away.

With that, I will get on to the progress pictures. I am still dealing with my kanga pouch that holds no kind of little roo. You’ll have to excuse my hair. We (my hair and I) are going through a bit of a transition phase and I had no will to straighten it nice for the occasion of picture taking.















Cheers Everyone! xoxoxo

Thank you all for your support and love!

So we have been fairly busy around here in the Biggar/Cosby household. We started our own business, which has thrilled us both to the core. As a result though, my energy has been poured into that and not updating you guys on the status of my weight loss. So I am tres apologetic. I have also been making wedding plans and meeting with the caterer etc etc so things have been hairy.

I stepped on the scale this morning (read: afternoon) and I was pleased that I finally broke my horrendous stall. I have been hovering at 235 now for something like three weeks. I am now 234! Wewt! I know that one pound may not seem like a big thing, but as my mom always said when I was little, it’s two whole half pounds of butter! Well no, she didn’t say it like that because she is far more eloquent and a grammar deity - so it was more like she showed me what a pound looked like with sticks of butter. They used to be packaged in half pounds and she would pile them in their little copper wrappers on top of one another and let me hold them. I am surprised I didn’t eat them right there and then.

BBQ season is in full swing. I have now been to several and although I cannot eat very much, and I feel VERY much in control (which is freaking awesome) it doesn’t mean what I have to choose from is healthy for me. I have to work on that. Always eat the meat first and a hot dog does not equal meat.

Oh I forgot to say that I went to that wedding that I have been talking about and I got to wear a lovely dress for the first time in my life. I will post a picture of it because I know that I have talked quite frequently about it. The dress is a size 16! It is hard to believe that 7 months ago I was a size 24. Oh i guess it’s my 7 month mark today, on July 4th. Happy I-day to all you americans out there, btw.

Man, i just tried looking for some better pictures of my dress and these are the only ones I could find. I don’t really like them for the actual showing off of this dress and I don’t think that the pictures do it justice, but whatever, it’s what I have. If I get to wear the dress again I will take better pictures!

So yeah, things are going good. We have a new business (wedding photography) our first paid client, a new camera. Things are going really really well. When it’s more completed, I’ll give you a link to our business website. It’s really rough right now so I don’t want to!

Cheers!

For the last, what, 3 months? 4 months? I have been losing 1-2 pounds a week steadily. On an EXTREMELY LUCKY week I could lose 3 pounds but always sorta stalled a bit after those weeks. Now, I have lost 5 pounds in 5 days and it’s sorta freaking me out! I am not doing anything differently, I don’t think. I threw up last night hardcore style because I ate reheated meat which is a big hellno for us bypassers because the rubbery consistency that comes out of the microwave just sits like a brick in our pouches. I thought I could beat the system (system of what exactly, janie?) but alas, no, PUUUUKE, broken blood vessels in my face, it was THAT hardcore. After I looked in the mirror I thought I had just given birth. Congratulations it’s a slightly used rubbery hamburger!

Anyway, this makes my weight loss to date 83 pounds.

OH, I will say this because I just remembered. I have been very intolerant to sweetener lately and have replaced it with real sugar. This is a very new development of about 5 or 6 days since my time with Grant and Denise in Crystal Beach where they are adamantly against aspartame. Maybe the extra calories or something is giving me a bit of a boost!? I have no freaking idea. If sugar is making me lose weight than I think my head will explode from the years of sugar deprivation! haha. No. Sugar is still bad. But maybe in my case, having VERY LITTLE SUGAR EVER, it’s causing my body to not store all the fat. I have no idea. Don’t go out and eat more sugar because I said so. I have no idea if this is the reason…but it is what I have been doing differently. Weird.

But what if there is something like…wrong? What if…what if I am leaking blood somewhere? OR my blood is evaporating? 5 pounds of blood MISSING!!!!!!! What if.

Oh, did you guys know that I respond to your comments that you make on the website by writing comments underneath yours? Some of you ask questions and I answer them usually by writing a comment underneath the comments that you make. I know not whether you are notified of this comment exchange, so I thought I would tell you this, in case you think that I am ignoring you! I am not ignoring you! I LOVE YOU! Thank you all so much for the continued support that you have given me these past 8+ months. You have stuck with me through thick and now thinner and I appreciate your encouragement and laughter. xoxoxo

Hullo again. I realize that I wrote to you last night stating that I was too afraid to show you any progress pics because I am sortof self conscious about my hanging body fat. Swing batta batta! Anyway, this morning I stepped on the scale SIX TIMES because I was trapped in a realm of disbelief. The scale read…get ready for it. 241. TWO FOURTY FRICKING ONE. Somehow in my insane novel writing last night and the tea that kept me up til 4:30am, I lost two more pounds. What the h-bloody-ell? Whatever. I am taking it. My penance for being so lame and not showing you progress pictures, is of course, to show you progress pictures. So i got up, got dressed, put on some face (cause uhm, dudes it’s the morning) and posed away for the camera.

Two things that I am noticing about this batch. No wonder the chick at the plus size store thought I was pregnant. I DO LOOK PREGNANT! Sigh. But it’s like a 1st trimester pregnant and not a 3rd at least, AND…and and…it’s cause of that hanging inner tube that I have mentioned before - so I have bravely pulled it out in the last picture to show you exactly what I have to deal with. I realize that it’s incredibly embarrassing to show you one’s roll of fat in all its glory - but this blog is real and real dictates that I must pull out my fat to show you the truth of the matter. Losing weight rapidly as I have done over the past 6 months (yes it’s almost been that long, folks!) changes the way your skin holds your chunk. This is why they offer the tummy tuck in Canada for free if you’ve lost 100 pounds in a year, because we Canadians value these sort of things. Yes, cut back on Needle Exchange programs because of lack of funding, but pay for a bunch of tummy tucks because flat tummies are essential for the betterment of mankind.)**

**actually it’s cause the fatter people of this world can get nasty rashes under their loose skin, and that can lead to skin complications.

ANYway - I will get to the juices.

Peace out! <3

I am SO close to losing 80 pounds that I think that if I breathe out hard enough I shall in fact lose it.

I am having a hard time, folks, with these progression pictures. I feel all of a sudden really self conscious, like you guys won’t see the difference and I am almost ashamed or something.

My skin is hanging in weird places, but not so much that you can tell it’s really loose skin - but I can tell. It looks like deflated fat. The fat just hangs lower than it used to. It’s weird and it makes me sortof poopy. My sentences are short and choppy! CHOP! KAH! FRUG! Anyway, I am embarrassed and I need some encouragement.

I made some changes to the site to make it more user friendly. I categorized all my pre-op things with the category name “pre-op” (how creative of me) so that you can click on “pre-op” under the categories on the side menu and it will bring up only the posts that are pre-op. MOUTHFULL!

This weekend I enjoyed the company of very close friends in Crystal Beach. We laughed and talked and talked…and talked and Donny and I enjoyed some hot-tubbing. It’s my home away from home. Thank you Grant and Denise for a very needed weekend together.

Plans for the wedding are also going smoothly now that we have picked a date and I am comfortable with it being on a Sunday. For awhile I was sad because I always thought the perfect DAY to have a wedding would be on Saturday - but after realizing that having it on the Sunday will save us 2k, I became quite comfortable with the idea.

We are less stressed (aka a hell of a lot less stressed) since Donny got full time hours at his job. I didn’t get that job at the plus size store but I am still looking around and handing off resumes.

Do you guys know how fan-freakingtastic Donny is? Lemme tell you a bit about my Donny. He is thee most amazing person in the whole universe and I love him more as each day passes, if that’s at all possible. For the past four years plus, we have had an unbelievable time together and I have not heard of a couple that is happier than we are (of course, I am sortof bias). I have never been with anyone who I truly respect and cherish to the very core until now. For him, I have the most tremendous appreciation - for all that he does for me, for our relationship, and for being the creative, generous and loving man that he is. I just wanted to let you know this not because I haven’t said it before, and not because I’ve done something naughty and I am trying to apologize, but just because I love him and I will continue to love him in every way I can, including shamelessly shouting about it on this blog.

Now that I have melted your heart, I think I will go drink some 11:40pm tea and try to write a bit of my novel. Although, seeing as how this blog entry is terribly written I might want to not attempt to write my novel tonight as I will most likely be discouraged and gnash my teeth.

Should I get over my woes and just post progress pictures already? How can I do this? I am feeling like I have gained 20 pounds of loose skin.

Well I finally hit my half way point of 73 pounds lost!! (that’s half way to 175 from 322 by the way). So my new weight is 249! I took pictures but none of them turned out because they aren’t at the right angle and can’t be properly set up with the other photos in photoshop without me looking like I am three feet tall. Not that I have anything against being three feet tall - it’s just that I am not…and I wouldn’t want people to assume that having a gastric bypass creates some sort of crazy shrinking of height. SOooo I’ll have to re-take the pictures (aka get donny to take them) and the right angle.

I don’t think I have anything else I have to say. My stress is diminishing with every exam that I finish up. I am done 2 and have 3 more to go next week.

Oh I will say this actually… Losing weight really really really makes the whole dropping off resumes and talking to managers to try and apply for jobs a heck of a lot easier. I mean, we all know that I am not skinny minny, but they just look at me differently - without as much judgment in their twinkling eyes. I need a job, desperately so I must say that losing this 73 pounds will most likely help the whole application process a fair amount. It’s sad really. When I was heavier people would automatically assume I was lazy! Hell, I know I am lazy - but that’s not the first impression that I want to give people because of my weight Actually, I shouldn’t say that - I am a lot less lazy than I was.

Anyway - hoorah for hitting half way in 4.5 months! I know that I said I was going to reward myself with something when I hit 73, but I really can’t afford to do so - which is okay. It is reward enough to know that what I have accomplished thus far is changing my life for the better slowly but surely. And yes, I could use  a new pair of pants - but why waste the money when they will be baggy in a month Oh, and Value Village had NOTHING to offer me. All the sizes were either 14s or 26s. I was very discouraged. Luckily the weather has been sortof nice and I have one pair of shorts that isn’t too big for me and I salvaged some old belts that were holding some area rugs together.

Next time I post I promise that I will have some photos!

Donny and I have insane clashing schedules and he has not been able to take pictures of me until today as we both skipped out on work and school. (i have an essay to write) So yay for us for being able to sleep in til 2:00pm and then get up and have coffee together (aka. me having 2 sips) and take pictures of my progress. As of yesterday, because i don’t weigh myself every day anymore (messes with my head, yo!) I am down 61 pounds. I actually hit 60 pounds last week, but hovered there for about 5 days due to womanly reasons - delightful. So I am hoping my one pound loss is now me being back to normal.

So without further ado I present to you, my album called: “YOU CAN FO’ DAMN SURE SEE IT IN MY FACE!”

My last couple of posts have been depressing, but I am not sorry - I feel it is reality, and therefore should not be apologized for. This has by far been the worst winter, I think i’ve said that here before…but I am feeling much better lately. The weather is warmer for starters, which gives me a little hope. Also, I have NOT been SKIPPING on my VITAMINS. And - and and - well, I’ve been out of the house a few times.

It’s also kind of refreshing to be able to see such a major change in my face. I look in the mirror a lot - because i am completely narcissistic - and lately I look at myself and i’m just like woah - that’s me now! The weight loss is still slow, but I am getting used to it. I will not have lost all my weight before Mel and Luke’s wedding in June, where I was determined to wear a sexy dress, but I’m okay with that now. I mean GEE it’s not MY wedding folks. Certainly I will be wearing the sexy dress at that event - no questions asked! Mel and Luke’s wedding in June was just a mini goal for me…and who knows I might still be able to look good in a dress, we’ll see. I’ve just never been able to wear a cute dress that wasn’t either made for me or I have felt completely uncomfortable in. For my prom I wore a black sheet - no offense to the seamstress who actually did a wonderful job but I was fat - lets see if i can find a picture.

Ah yes, the blue wrappy shall thing did so much to cover up a myriad of woes.

And here is me dancing with Jonathan at my sister’s wedding where i was Maid of Honour - in a green tent.

Don’t EVEN get me started on what I wore to Mark and Leslie’s Wedding. EW - I will NEVER forgive myself for the WORST DRESS POSSIBLE with leggings and DEFINING FAT BAND on my stomach. Photo courtesy of Joel Danielson.

So you see folks - i would like to wear a nice dress to Mel and Luke’s wedding. I mean, for those out there who think I am calling myself ugly again - I’m not. I am just saying I want to wear a dress that will make me feel awesome and beautiful and wonderful. FOR ONCE in my life. So yeah - that’s my next mini goal. I won’t be the skinniest I wanted to be because my weight loss is too slow for that but at least I want to find a nice dress. That is all.

It has been so long I don’t even know where to begin. Perhaps with an apology. Sorry. Sorry sorry sorry!

Okay now that that is over with I will say Hello and thank you for all your warm comments as of late saying that you miss my blog entries. It was very much appreciated. It has been a rough month all together - for several reasons, all of which have nothing to do with you. You lucked out this time!

Number One: We still do not have a vehicle. I am a prisoner in my apartment. I cannot go see friends willy nilly, wallie dallie, or fiddle faddle and I wish very much that I could. Some of you may say that I could walk. Well, yes I could, but apart from my ankle still giving me heck on uneven ground (like snow covered ground) it’s cold, and miserable…and I don’t like having no vehicle. Don’t lecture me about getting outside to take in air because your kind hearted advice will be snorted at. I hate winter. I hate the cold. I hate frozen snot and foggy glasses. I hate falling in half frozen puddles (happened last week) and having bits of rock embedded in my hands which prevent me from peeling potatoes.

Number Two (no, not poo) - my weight loss has very much slowed down to about 2 pounds per week. I know. I know. Scoff your heads off. But when you are dropping like 7 pounds a minute one day and then 2 pounds a week the next, it’s plays tricks with your head. Somehow I feel like a failure - and I know I shouldn’t - I know that 2 pounds a week is probably what my body has decided is a healthy weight loss for now because god knows I’m doing almost everything correctly. After I lost my 50 pounds my body decided to hell with it all and stopped losing weight all together and so I should be ever so glad that I have lost any weight let alone the additional 7 pounds since breaking that stall. Yes, that makes the total 57 and when I get to 60 there will be pictures. I promise.

Number Three - Spring Break. Spring Break was the worst spring break I have ever had in my entire life - and that includes the year in Grade 11 that I spent in the hospital getting my gynormous honeydew melon cyst removed (at least then I had a ton of visitors and I got to lay around all day completely morphined). I do not count family day, which was fun actually - but the events that followed involved me being very cranky and moody - wanting to be alone because of my moodiness, wanting to read but feeling pointless, wanting to relax but feeling stressed and tense - and being completely out of sorts and off schedule.  I do not do well in the winter time if I do not have a routine. The fact that Spring Break is NOW, and obviously NOT in the SPRING TIME is a sin. A damn sin!

Number Four I decided to delete after writing it all out.

SO yeah - that’s basically where I am at. I don’t feel crappy every day - in fact it’s more like I don’t feel anything at all…which isn’t much better. I was doing better before my spring break started and everything just went downhill from there. I am hoping with next week’s schedule going back to normal and classes distracting me from winter blueness that I will be right as rain. That will 99.9% be the case - the .1% being if I get hit by a bus.

I am sipping NeoCitrin currently because I feel a bit of a flu coming on and I am trying to mask it - I so desperately NEED to go to school tomorrow and get my mind out of this flunk. I already do feel better TODAY because Denise came to visit me and she is always a source of joy in my life. She’s my bleach.

Boba just walked by and he sneezed into my NeoCitrin. I am agitated and cross now. You see? How my mood can be hopeful of better days and then switch back into foul mode? Fowl mode.

No really - I’m okay. I will be okay. Winters come and go — and in Ontario they last for bloody 9 months, but afterward there is the spring cleaning.

Did I just try to make a metaphor? I am hanging my head in shame now.

Hi guys!

I am sorry that i haven’t written to you in awhile. Things have been uninteresting and busy. I am back into the full swing of school, skipping classes and all! haha. I have taken a few snow days, I won’t lie. I wish I could have taken a snow day a few days ago when it was INSANE but, alas, I had an essay to turn in.

Don’t get excited. I don’t have pictures, but I will say that as of Tuesday, I have lost 50 pounds on the nose! (….well not on my nose, but probably below my nose). Most of you already know about this little milestone that I have reached but I thought I would share it with the rest of the world. If you want it in pictures, than here you go:

Now, don’t try and print this blog post and cut out the 50 quid and blame it on me when you get caught!

50 pounds feels very strange. I don’t feel like a different person but I am finding things are a little EASIER. For example. I can cross my legs on the GO bus now, something that was very frustrating prior to the 50 pounds. I used to have to squeeze them in like tight sausage rolls. mmmm sausage rolls. And have my knees rub against the seat in front of me used to give me a rash because my knees are very sensitive creatures, but my knees don’t touch the seat in front of me anymore — yay!

Another thing. OH i forgot about this one before. You know how those awful lecture halls have those tight theatre style seats and then this little foldy “table” that you flip out from the armchair and you can put stuff on it? It used to not go over my legs flat….and used to sortof sit on top of my legs at an angle, while I watch it go over thin laps beside me and have like 7 inches to spare. It is for that reason that I hate said angle lap-table. That, and not being able to put ANYTHING OF USE on it. I mean COME ON PEOPLE we have textbooks,coffee, pens, cellphones, laptops for some (i never bring mine to class) and all those novels you expect us to read…and they are all supposed to fit on this 8 inch by 7 inch table thing. Anyway…it goes across my lap now when my legs are uncrossed (not when they are crossed) but I never use the table and purely put it over to see if it would fit. I am totally against using this tables and you should be too!

for those of you who DON’T know what i am talking about, it’s these things:

What else. Oh I am having a really hard time eating today. Eating is never the same day to day. For the past two days I have been eating an egg in the morning with a half a peice of toast *and not being able to finish it of course*. This morning = UGHLLP (that’s the sound of me throwing up). I can eat ham, stewing beef and all those good things now. It turns out that I wasn’t CHEWING it enough. Meat like that has to be literally the consistancy of milk before i swallow it. It gets tiring. I still cannot eat snow peas, or anything stringy.

I can’t think of anything else to say. Donny and I have picked a wedding date and are looking into a few venues with the date available. It’s August 14th, 2010. We decided to have it later so that we would have time to plan and have time for me to lose the weight I want, and then have that free tummy tuck. Also, we wanted it during the summer and not when I am in school and next summer is just..too soon. Anything not in the summer and my brother in BC would have to take off work and my dad is also teaching too so that’s no good. So there ya have it. That’s our date <3 <3

I hope you are doing well!!

Love, Janie

Here I am at One month and 1 week post op and 42 pounds down.

I seem to be losing my boobies.

I don’t actually see any difference in my face but James decided to run into the picture really quick so I had to post it.

For 40 pounds: I cut my hair

For 74 pounds: Get contacts, new outfit, facial

For goal: Tattoo!!!!!!!!!

Since I have reached my first goal of 40 pounds (42 this morning) I got my hair cut this afternoon. It turned into a huge event (6 hours) as she did the cut and afterwards I was IN SHOCK because my hair is BLONDE now. For years I have been dying it black and for the last year and a half I have refused to dye it so that I could grow out my natural colour. She managed to chop out all the remaining black that I had in my hair! After i saw it, I kinda thought that it looked boring and told her she had permission to do what ever she wanted (she was bored - and clientless for the day) So she put a lighter highlight on top of my head and the accented with chunks of purple and dark brown. It’s hard to see from the pictures, but I think it turned out alright. It’s neat to have blonde hair again

Here is what it looked like BEFORE; (aka this morning)

AND…after!

I also like to put my hair up most of the time, so that’s how I am wearing it now:

BRRRRrrrrr it was FREEZING today by the way. I HATE the cold and waited for the bus for 30 minutes (missed it by a hair). The best part of waiting for that bus though was that the bus stopped and picked up Donny who was on the way home from work!!! I’ve never been so happy to see someone come on the bus! <3

of course he was all like…..”well if you are HERE, then who is at home making me dinner?!?!” haha jerk!

Nothing else really new - tomorrow night I am having some friends over for a potluck dinner to catch up our lives a little and that will make me feel really good. I have been shut up in my head for a little too long - but today’s little makeover was really refreshing…

Today I woke up expecting to be 40 pounds down - but I am ACTUALLY 41 pounds down. I have compiled a few pictures that I found on the interweb that have things in them that are 40 pounds. Enjoy!

This cat.

This Fish

These Yams

This Turkey

This Robot

I composed this message in my head while driving, and consequently highbeamed several hundred cars, on the way home from my parent’s house in Milton. I had a wonderful Christmas with my family. My brother and sister-in-law came over from BC and being with my family, having our conversations, lifted my spirits immensely. Many of you know that I am from BC and that I miss home terribly, especially during Christmas holidays when I know my friends are all having lovely times and my heart aches sometimes that I can’t share it with them. My family feels the same way - so when we all get together it’s the most amazing family time ever, all of us re-living past memories in our favourite province, mourning the loss of not being there, but celebrating that we are all together. Nothing would make me happier if we could all move there together, and I could take my Donny with me, and we could have successful, beautiful lives - in a place where I feel 100% free and myself. Not that Donny and I don’t have a beautiful life. We do. And we have wonderful friends here…but this province isn’t my home - no matter how hard I try to pound my roundness into the squares. Some people just don’t GET me because of my BC mentality, and in turn I don’t get them. Perhaps I am romanticizing BC too much - but I don’t care. I just wanna live in BC with Donny and smell that air again and be with some people that I miss so dearly - and their little families that they are starting. I want to build a house out of free forming cement in any shape we want - and have stained glass windows and a big old whirlpool bath. And I can make potato corn chowder soup and we’ll sit up on the roof and watch meteor showers and take walks in the middle of the night.

I am sorry for ranting. For my ontario friends, I love you and if I moved to BC I would be complaining how much I miss YOU guys, haha! If I could somehow meld the two provinces. British Colon Tario. HAHA!

On to much happier things. Like I said I had a WONDERFUL christmas and tomorrow I get to see my greatest friends in their beautiful house in Crystal Beach. I will be much happier when that happens. Tomorrow morning I have a breakfast with my family and say goodbye to my brother and sister-in-law who get to go back to coveted province in question. And now that I have told you my complete inner workings, I can move on to the whole Gastric Bypass update thing that you probably logged on here to see. I apologize.

So, I can’t remember how much weight I had lost before, but I am definitly slowing down a bit, which is TOTALLY normal on week 3, as this is usually the week where the body goes “What in the hee haw HELL are you doing to me, woman!?” Also, Christmas was full of many temptations and bloody squares from heaven! My mom makes the most insane spread of christmas squares and baking things ever. I must admit I had 2 over a span of 3 days. Nothing happened, and i didn’t get sick, which I have some opinions on but maybe I will share with you those on a later date.

Oh, I had a wonderful birthday. Mom made lasagna, which I was able to eat the innards, which was very exciting. I got wonderful bath giftbaskets! Three of them! People sure do know me!

I ate well I think, considering. A few days I missed my protein shakes, but made sure to eat ALL protein during the day. My dad made an incredible eggs wellington (no, not out of my sister’s dog whose name is wellington) which was absolutely to DIE FOR. I have to say that I did not feel deprived at all. For my brother’s birthday we went to a Thai restaurant and I had something that made me sick and I chucked, and I am not sure quite what it was, but I felt fine as soon as I auto-ejected.

I am blabbing on and on, aren’t I?

So, despite all the insanity that was the food surrounding Christmas, I lost 2 pounds, which puts me at a total of 31 pounds lost since December 3rd. I wasn’t expecting to lose ANY weight this week since it’s the 3rd week and that is supposed to be the worst for plateau’ing. But there you go.

You shall not probably get another photo progression picture post (say that 31 times fast) until I have lost another 10 or so pounds.

As you can tell, I have had a bit of a rough day so I am going to take a little bath and have a little think about my Christmas and reflect on my progress.

Love Janie

So, at the end of 2 weeks post-op (last friday) I got donny to take pictures of me so that I could compare them with the night before the night before surgery. (tis the night before, night before because of the postponed surgery - mm good memories). Anyway, on Friday I had lost…28 pounds, so the difference you are going to see is a 28 pound loss. I have been telling people that I haven’t really seen the difference, and it’s true, because it appears that it is coming off in porportion AND mostly off my backside. I think you may have to click on the pictures to make them larger - sorry about that. I want to show you not only the comparison between the pre-surgery night and on Friday - but also the comparison between the end of week 1 post op and the end of week 2 (friday) because it’s crazy even the difference between those! Anyway, crazy indeed.

COMPARISON FACE ONE: Before Surgery VS End of Week 2

COMPARISON FACE TWO: End of Week One VS End of Week Two

COMPARISON SIDE PROFILE ONE: Before surgery VS End of Week Two

COMPARISON SIDE PROFILE TWO: End of Week One VS End of Week Two

COMPARISON BACK: Before Surgery VS End of Week Two ( the week one shots didn’t turn out well)

COMPARISON FRONT: End of Week One VS End of Week Two (night before surgery shots didn’t work either)

SO there you have it. I think I can see a little bit of the difference in my face and side profile. Also, you may notice that my skin in my face from week 1 and 2 has vastly improved. I have a feeling this is because I am drinking so much water. Yay for neat side effects!

For those of you wondering about the bit of fishing line looking stuff that came out of my tummy the other day, I tucked it back in. Doing this was a mistake as the skin that grew over top of it grew very agitated with the tucked suture and was very miserable indeed. So I retrieved the tucked suture and cut it out. Everything is now perfectly wonderful. And if my mom made it this far I am guessing that she has puked.

Take care everyall. I hope that you are enjoying this insane snow we are getting right now. I was looking forward to the global warming that we all have heard so much about, but alas, we are not quite that ruined, yet.

So just a quick update. Things are great! I feel so much better. I was able to go out last night and spend some time with some friends who I haven’t seen in a long time. It was really nice. I felt some pain though later on in the evening, around 11:00pm so Donny took me home and I fell into a vicodine slumber.

Oh I found out what it feels to be really full! I didn’t mean to do it but I was just drinking too fast I guess. I was SO thirsty. It’s really hard not to take those huge long gulps that I loved to take - so I was drinking and eating some strained cream of mushroom soup and all of a sudden there was this tightness in my chest. I stopped. It stopped after about 2-3 minutes - afterall it’s liquid so it didn’t last long in my stomach. I just don’t know what the feel is leading UP to full yet. So I am working on that…

SO now I can tell you my weigh in results!!! Donny fixed the scale and apparently it goes up to 303.2! I have lost 18.8 pounds since 1 week before my surgery so…2 weeks!

yay